Post by John on May 31, 2006 16:24:55 GMT -4
Clemens is no savior for the soft-hitting Astros
May 31, 2006
By Larry Dobrow
Special to CBS SportsLine.com
When word of Roger Clemens’ possible re-un-retirement leaked Tuesday afternoon, our help-desk representatives were besieged by calls for comment. Roto fans and media pundits alike asked for our gut assessment of the situation, not to mention statistical projections for the final four months of the regular season and probable late-season pitching matchups (Roger vs. Pedro on Sept. 2 in Houston?).
I'm as excited about it as you are; the sport is greater for Roger’s presence. Alas, due to the sheer administrative infeasibility of responding to all inquiries, the SHDFBNE (SportsLine Hump Day Fantasy Baseball Double Ninja Extravaganza) can only offer the following statement:
"Roger Clemens is many things: The best pitcher of this or any other generation, a peevish mercenary, Mike Piazza's daddy, a proud wearer of gaudily patterned shirts. He is not, however, your 2006 roto savior.
"Though success at the age of 43 is not outside the realm of possibility -- lesser lights like Nolan Ryan and Tommy John pitched more than competently at that age -- the real problem here is the franchise for which he'll likely ply his trade. The Astros don’t "hit" the ball so much as they "nub it to second base," which will prevent Roger from notching more than a smattering of wins. Too, while the team boasts super-delicious defenders in CF Willy Taveras and SS Adam Everett, the other six position players handle the ball as if it were aflame.
It'll take Roger until July to work himself into primo physical condition; once he gets there, a hammy or groin tweak could effectively erase what's left of the season. Finally, Minute Maid Park, despite Roger's mastery over it during the last two years, remains very much a hitters' oasis. In conclusion: don't go there, sister. Or if you must, don't overpay.
"The SHDFBNE will have no further comment on this issue. Thank you for your interest, and best wishes for a prosperous summer. Never call me."
Cut your losses
Adrian Beltre, Seattle Mariners: It might be time to start pondering where he ranks in the canon of calamitous big-bucks free-agent signings. Off the top of my head, only Darren Dreifort and Chan Ho Park have been appreciably worse. Carl Pavano or A.J. Burnett could merit consideration a few years down the road. Mark Davis, maybe? Lists are fun!
Matt Clement, Boston Red Sox: Maybe he's hurt. Maybe his supposed "effective wildness" has devolved into disquieting control problems. Maybe he can't handle the scrutiny of the greatest, most root-root-rootin-est and least self-aware fans in baseball. Whatever the case, at this point the guy’s table-flat offerings should carry a parental-advisory warning.
Todd Jones, Detroit Tigers: Here's where I rant about relievers, and the inexplicably illogical way managers use them, for the 2,745,545th time. By any sane measure, Jones is no more than the fourth best pitcher in his own bullpen. Yet he still finds himself on the hill with the game on the line -- granted, often because the Zumayas and Rodneys have already been used in high-leverage situations during the seventh or eighth innings. I have no problem inserting Jones with a three-run lead and the bases empty in the ninth; most AA pitchers could navigate that pillowy situation and emerge unscathed. But for moments that matter -- anything involving an inherited runner or a single-run lead or deficit -- he should have "last resort" stamped in indelible ink on his forehead.
Be patient, fella
Andy Pettitte, Houston Astros: He's hard to fully recommend based on some of the factors mentioned in the Clemens epistle, plus his peripherals are a little scary (especially the 92 hits allowed in 71+ innings). At the same time, last year was one of the few in which he missed bats; throughout his career, he's managed to be quite effective even as his WHIP inched into the 1.30-1.40 range. And gosh, if he has sweet Roger -- his bestest buddy in the whole wide world -- back at his side, there's nothing they can't accomplish. Think Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, but less worldly.
For real
Melky Cabrera, New York Yankees: Sixty-one at-bats doesn't qualify as enough of a sample size to truly evaluate the guy, but he’s flashed a bit of gap power and some basic strike-zone recognition (remember that 11-pitch battle with Billy Wagner a few weeks back? That was cool). Though some say his work-in-progress defense could get him yanked in the late innings of tight games, who else do the Yankees have to trot out there in his stead? Bernie Williams? Cadaver. Bubby Crosby (when healthy again)? Gnat. Miguel Cairo? Goat droppings. Melky'll fill left field capably and with occasional aplomb until the day that Hideki Matsui reclaims the throne.
Sell high
Oliver Perez, Pittsburgh Pirates: He's maintained his mechanics and his familiarity with the strike zone for two consecutive starts, a development about as likely as sleet in Guadeloupe. Given that these outings came against the nancy-boy Arizona and Houston lineups -- and that he threw 127 pitches in the latter start -- a two-inning, seven-walk apocalypse is nigh. Just as Adam and Eve were cast out of that garden place for unauthorized snacking, cast Ollie from thy roto paradise posthaste.
Randy Johnson, New York Yankees: He actually threw inside twice on Monday, thereby upping his total number of brushback pitches during his Yankee tenure to two. If there's a cockeyed optimist in your league who believes that a single decent outing heralds a return to the domination of yore, renew your trading acquaintance with him or her, pronto.
Tony Womack, Chicago Cubs: Handing a no-OBP, slap-hitting veteran to Dusty Baker is like handing a tub of vanilla frosting to an unrepentant diabetic. This isn’t to dump on Cubbie fans, a genial and boozy lot whose camaraderie I treasure, but when are they going to shed the lovable-loser persona and start breaking stuff? A Womack/Neifi Perez double-play tandem could spark the inevitable paroxysm of rage, one that won't end until Wrigleyville resembles East St. Louis.
Buy low
Howie Kendrick, Los Angeles Something-or-Others: Apparently the Adam Kennedy/Shea Hillenbrand deal is still simmering (Merriam-Webster definition: "stewing gently below or just at the boiling point"). If/when it happens, Kendrick will have the chance to strut his stuff in a lineup positively thirsting for runs. Based on his minor-league performance, there's nothing to suggest he wouldn't hit .280 with a veritable smorgasbord of extra-base hits. Kendrick reminds a lot of people of double machine Bill Madlock; me, I think he more closely resembles Derek Bell, in his droopy-eyed grin if not his sturdy work ethic.
Ian Kinsler, Texas Rangers: Hitter-happy home stadium? Check. Regular real estate in a batting order packed with mashers? Check. One buyer-beware note here: power generally returns slowly to players afflicted by hand injuries… of course, Kinsler’s double-dinger game against the A’s last Thursday would seem to defy that truism. Basically, I have no point. Just humor me and grab the guy.
May 31, 2006
By Larry Dobrow
Special to CBS SportsLine.com
When word of Roger Clemens’ possible re-un-retirement leaked Tuesday afternoon, our help-desk representatives were besieged by calls for comment. Roto fans and media pundits alike asked for our gut assessment of the situation, not to mention statistical projections for the final four months of the regular season and probable late-season pitching matchups (Roger vs. Pedro on Sept. 2 in Houston?).
I'm as excited about it as you are; the sport is greater for Roger’s presence. Alas, due to the sheer administrative infeasibility of responding to all inquiries, the SHDFBNE (SportsLine Hump Day Fantasy Baseball Double Ninja Extravaganza) can only offer the following statement:
"Roger Clemens is many things: The best pitcher of this or any other generation, a peevish mercenary, Mike Piazza's daddy, a proud wearer of gaudily patterned shirts. He is not, however, your 2006 roto savior.
"Though success at the age of 43 is not outside the realm of possibility -- lesser lights like Nolan Ryan and Tommy John pitched more than competently at that age -- the real problem here is the franchise for which he'll likely ply his trade. The Astros don’t "hit" the ball so much as they "nub it to second base," which will prevent Roger from notching more than a smattering of wins. Too, while the team boasts super-delicious defenders in CF Willy Taveras and SS Adam Everett, the other six position players handle the ball as if it were aflame.
It'll take Roger until July to work himself into primo physical condition; once he gets there, a hammy or groin tweak could effectively erase what's left of the season. Finally, Minute Maid Park, despite Roger's mastery over it during the last two years, remains very much a hitters' oasis. In conclusion: don't go there, sister. Or if you must, don't overpay.
"The SHDFBNE will have no further comment on this issue. Thank you for your interest, and best wishes for a prosperous summer. Never call me."
Cut your losses
Adrian Beltre, Seattle Mariners: It might be time to start pondering where he ranks in the canon of calamitous big-bucks free-agent signings. Off the top of my head, only Darren Dreifort and Chan Ho Park have been appreciably worse. Carl Pavano or A.J. Burnett could merit consideration a few years down the road. Mark Davis, maybe? Lists are fun!
Matt Clement, Boston Red Sox: Maybe he's hurt. Maybe his supposed "effective wildness" has devolved into disquieting control problems. Maybe he can't handle the scrutiny of the greatest, most root-root-rootin-est and least self-aware fans in baseball. Whatever the case, at this point the guy’s table-flat offerings should carry a parental-advisory warning.
Todd Jones, Detroit Tigers: Here's where I rant about relievers, and the inexplicably illogical way managers use them, for the 2,745,545th time. By any sane measure, Jones is no more than the fourth best pitcher in his own bullpen. Yet he still finds himself on the hill with the game on the line -- granted, often because the Zumayas and Rodneys have already been used in high-leverage situations during the seventh or eighth innings. I have no problem inserting Jones with a three-run lead and the bases empty in the ninth; most AA pitchers could navigate that pillowy situation and emerge unscathed. But for moments that matter -- anything involving an inherited runner or a single-run lead or deficit -- he should have "last resort" stamped in indelible ink on his forehead.
Be patient, fella
Andy Pettitte, Houston Astros: He's hard to fully recommend based on some of the factors mentioned in the Clemens epistle, plus his peripherals are a little scary (especially the 92 hits allowed in 71+ innings). At the same time, last year was one of the few in which he missed bats; throughout his career, he's managed to be quite effective even as his WHIP inched into the 1.30-1.40 range. And gosh, if he has sweet Roger -- his bestest buddy in the whole wide world -- back at his side, there's nothing they can't accomplish. Think Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, but less worldly.
For real
Melky Cabrera, New York Yankees: Sixty-one at-bats doesn't qualify as enough of a sample size to truly evaluate the guy, but he’s flashed a bit of gap power and some basic strike-zone recognition (remember that 11-pitch battle with Billy Wagner a few weeks back? That was cool). Though some say his work-in-progress defense could get him yanked in the late innings of tight games, who else do the Yankees have to trot out there in his stead? Bernie Williams? Cadaver. Bubby Crosby (when healthy again)? Gnat. Miguel Cairo? Goat droppings. Melky'll fill left field capably and with occasional aplomb until the day that Hideki Matsui reclaims the throne.
Sell high
Oliver Perez, Pittsburgh Pirates: He's maintained his mechanics and his familiarity with the strike zone for two consecutive starts, a development about as likely as sleet in Guadeloupe. Given that these outings came against the nancy-boy Arizona and Houston lineups -- and that he threw 127 pitches in the latter start -- a two-inning, seven-walk apocalypse is nigh. Just as Adam and Eve were cast out of that garden place for unauthorized snacking, cast Ollie from thy roto paradise posthaste.
Randy Johnson, New York Yankees: He actually threw inside twice on Monday, thereby upping his total number of brushback pitches during his Yankee tenure to two. If there's a cockeyed optimist in your league who believes that a single decent outing heralds a return to the domination of yore, renew your trading acquaintance with him or her, pronto.
Tony Womack, Chicago Cubs: Handing a no-OBP, slap-hitting veteran to Dusty Baker is like handing a tub of vanilla frosting to an unrepentant diabetic. This isn’t to dump on Cubbie fans, a genial and boozy lot whose camaraderie I treasure, but when are they going to shed the lovable-loser persona and start breaking stuff? A Womack/Neifi Perez double-play tandem could spark the inevitable paroxysm of rage, one that won't end until Wrigleyville resembles East St. Louis.
Buy low
Howie Kendrick, Los Angeles Something-or-Others: Apparently the Adam Kennedy/Shea Hillenbrand deal is still simmering (Merriam-Webster definition: "stewing gently below or just at the boiling point"). If/when it happens, Kendrick will have the chance to strut his stuff in a lineup positively thirsting for runs. Based on his minor-league performance, there's nothing to suggest he wouldn't hit .280 with a veritable smorgasbord of extra-base hits. Kendrick reminds a lot of people of double machine Bill Madlock; me, I think he more closely resembles Derek Bell, in his droopy-eyed grin if not his sturdy work ethic.
Ian Kinsler, Texas Rangers: Hitter-happy home stadium? Check. Regular real estate in a batting order packed with mashers? Check. One buyer-beware note here: power generally returns slowly to players afflicted by hand injuries… of course, Kinsler’s double-dinger game against the A’s last Thursday would seem to defy that truism. Basically, I have no point. Just humor me and grab the guy.