Post by John on Apr 27, 2006 13:35:21 GMT -4
When it comes to the two-spot, plug it with a stud
April 26, 2006
By Larry Dobrow
Special to CBS SportsLine.com
Today, on Oprah ... er, in the weekly SHDFBNE (SportsLine Hump Day Fantasy Baseball Double Ninja Extravaganza): Bad lineups and the managers who love them.
We focus our attention on the two-hole, a slot generally reserved for batsmen of patience true. On Tuesday night alone, its denizens included decomposing OBP invalid Royce Clayton; Jeff Conine, the baseball equivalent of a steak that's been left on the grill for 17 hours; Orlando Cabrera, by conservative estimates the 13th-best offensive middle infielder in the Los Angeles of San Franaheim Valley system; and Dan Uggla, whose last name pretty much encompasses fan reaction to his every plate appearance.
I'm not saying Frank Robinson and Sammy Perlozzo and Mike Scoscia and Joe Girardi don't know how to do their jobs (actually, I sort of am), but perhaps they should look toward genteel Philly skipper Charlie Manuel for guidance. Seized by the brainstorm that maybe you score more runs when you get your best hitters more at-bats, he bumped Aaron Rowand from second to sixth in the order, plopping Chase Utley in the two-hole behind Jimmy Rollins and freeing Ryan Howard from the never-see-a-strike tyranny of batting in front of David Bell.
There's a lesson to be learned here: Specifically, that when you're relegated to lauding the lineup-tweakin' moxie of slow-blinkers like Charlie Manuel, there's a serious shortfall of managerial brainpower in the bigs. Onto the weekly list dealie ...
Cut your losses
Doug Davis, Milwaukee Brewers: It's a funny thing with pitchers who rely upon their command ("command" being a frou-frou insider term for "control"). When they stop throwing strikes, they get the motherloving snot knocked out of them on a regular basis. Too, his command issues coincide with umps widening the strike zone for Tom Glavine, Pedro Martinez and other guys who, like Davis, "know how to pitch." If he's not getting the calls now, he's pretty much screwed.
Eddie Guardado, Seattle Mariners: On the Mariners chat boards, there appears to be much sentiment along the lines of "stick a fork in him, he's done." But really, what would that accomplish? Everyday Eddie would simply pull out the fork, apply a thin sheen of Neosporin over the pockmarks, then make his way back to the hill, whereupon he'd continue to treat ninth-inning leads like soiled bathroom tissue. A better solution might be to have closer-to-be Rafael Soriano surreptitiously slip a mickey or two into his sixth-inning protein shake.
Mike Sweeney, Kansas City Royals: But keep him around if your league awards points for dignified clubhouse comportment, cordial relationships with local beat writers, or willingness to autograph jerseys for lupus-stricken orphans.
Be patient, fella
Brad Lidge, Houston Astros: Back-to-back bedwettings land most closers in the doghouse; Lidge gets the added benefit of having a nation of talk-radio psychologists continue to question whether he has truly recovered from the dinger he gave up to Albert Pujols in last year's NLCS. And yet the guy is about two inches on his fastball placement from returning to unhittability. I pity those of you who lack the emotional resolve to wait out the dark days.
Roy Halladay, Toronto Blue Jays: Most criticisms of him have started and ended with "he just doesn't look right," as opposed to "he has pain in his right elbow of indeterminate origin" or "he accidentally gored his plant foot with a spading fork while gardening the other day." Until those rumors blossom until non-libelous declarative statements, suck it up.
For real
Kevin Youkilis, Boston Red Sox: Finally, a Moneyball-er who's as dashing at the plate as on a spread sheet. Gotta like that he's become one of the AL's better-fielding cornermen in no time at all, too. Can you say "positional flexibility"? I knew you could!
Jonny Gomes, Tampa Bay Devil Rays: Time to clear up a few misperceptions here. No, his first name doesn't include an 'h'. Yes, his last name ends with an 's' rather than a 'z'. No, the phonetic pronunciation of "Gomes" isn't "GO-mez." Yes, it is "GOMES," which almost rhymes with "Stallone." No, he won't continue on his current 81-homer pace. Yes, he'll likely end the year with around 35 dingers and an on-base percentage around .400. No, you shouldn't trade him away. Yes, you should try to trade for him. Capisce? (No, I don't speak Italian. Yes, I did pick that up in a Prego commercial.)
Sell high
Craig Biggio, Houston Astros: Just as prom corsages wilt after a night passed on the unforgiving turf outside the Point Pleasant Motor Lodge, so too does Biggio's bat wither when away from the snug confines of Minute Maid Park. I humbly call your attention to Craigger's 1.055/.343 home/road OPS splits. What, say you? The 'Stros have only played five games on the road this season, rendering those figures statistically insignificant? Somewhat less humbly, I point you to his .890/.692 home/road OPS splits during 2005. Totally arrogantly, I add that you are puny and powerless in the face of my staggering numerical prowess. Powerless.
Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds: The Indians simply don't make player-evaluation mistakes ... well, except for trading Brian Giles and Richie Sexson and Sean Casey and Jeff Kent and Jeromy Burnitz before their primes. So it would stand to reason that Phillips has some kind of mechanical or attitudinal flaw which will prevent him from duplicating his recent run-generating heroics. I think. Let's just assume that current GM Mark Shapiro is considerably savvier that the nudnik who dealt the aforementioned fellows, and that he wouldn't have prematurely thrown Phillips onto the scrap heap without a solid empirical basis to do so.
Buy low
Jake Peavy, San Diego Padres: In the infinitesimal chance there's somebody in your league slug-witted enough to even consider trading Peavy ... well, now's not the time to dangle a pair of fast-start guys (Erik Bedard and Brad Hawpe?) for him. Instead, be a good friend and get that owner the help he truly needs. Pour him a nice cool bowl of gazpacho and remove all sharp objects from his boudoir. Gently explain the stakes, that Peavy projects to rip off seven straight wins at any moment. Then, once the lithium kicks in, fleece his sorry ass purple.
Jose Reyes, New York Metsies: Even at his worst -- like last week, when he averaged .0003 pitches per plate appearance and swatted at tsetse flies and anything vaguely resembling a baseball -- he still provides a mirthful abundance of steals and scores almost every time he reaches base. Sublime roto guy, but mediocre enough aplate in the real world that he'll cost the Beltran/Delgado/Wright/Floyd quartet a whole bunch o' RBI opportunities.
April 26, 2006
By Larry Dobrow
Special to CBS SportsLine.com
Today, on Oprah ... er, in the weekly SHDFBNE (SportsLine Hump Day Fantasy Baseball Double Ninja Extravaganza): Bad lineups and the managers who love them.
We focus our attention on the two-hole, a slot generally reserved for batsmen of patience true. On Tuesday night alone, its denizens included decomposing OBP invalid Royce Clayton; Jeff Conine, the baseball equivalent of a steak that's been left on the grill for 17 hours; Orlando Cabrera, by conservative estimates the 13th-best offensive middle infielder in the Los Angeles of San Franaheim Valley system; and Dan Uggla, whose last name pretty much encompasses fan reaction to his every plate appearance.
I'm not saying Frank Robinson and Sammy Perlozzo and Mike Scoscia and Joe Girardi don't know how to do their jobs (actually, I sort of am), but perhaps they should look toward genteel Philly skipper Charlie Manuel for guidance. Seized by the brainstorm that maybe you score more runs when you get your best hitters more at-bats, he bumped Aaron Rowand from second to sixth in the order, plopping Chase Utley in the two-hole behind Jimmy Rollins and freeing Ryan Howard from the never-see-a-strike tyranny of batting in front of David Bell.
There's a lesson to be learned here: Specifically, that when you're relegated to lauding the lineup-tweakin' moxie of slow-blinkers like Charlie Manuel, there's a serious shortfall of managerial brainpower in the bigs. Onto the weekly list dealie ...
Cut your losses
Doug Davis, Milwaukee Brewers: It's a funny thing with pitchers who rely upon their command ("command" being a frou-frou insider term for "control"). When they stop throwing strikes, they get the motherloving snot knocked out of them on a regular basis. Too, his command issues coincide with umps widening the strike zone for Tom Glavine, Pedro Martinez and other guys who, like Davis, "know how to pitch." If he's not getting the calls now, he's pretty much screwed.
Eddie Guardado, Seattle Mariners: On the Mariners chat boards, there appears to be much sentiment along the lines of "stick a fork in him, he's done." But really, what would that accomplish? Everyday Eddie would simply pull out the fork, apply a thin sheen of Neosporin over the pockmarks, then make his way back to the hill, whereupon he'd continue to treat ninth-inning leads like soiled bathroom tissue. A better solution might be to have closer-to-be Rafael Soriano surreptitiously slip a mickey or two into his sixth-inning protein shake.
Mike Sweeney, Kansas City Royals: But keep him around if your league awards points for dignified clubhouse comportment, cordial relationships with local beat writers, or willingness to autograph jerseys for lupus-stricken orphans.
Be patient, fella
Brad Lidge, Houston Astros: Back-to-back bedwettings land most closers in the doghouse; Lidge gets the added benefit of having a nation of talk-radio psychologists continue to question whether he has truly recovered from the dinger he gave up to Albert Pujols in last year's NLCS. And yet the guy is about two inches on his fastball placement from returning to unhittability. I pity those of you who lack the emotional resolve to wait out the dark days.
Roy Halladay, Toronto Blue Jays: Most criticisms of him have started and ended with "he just doesn't look right," as opposed to "he has pain in his right elbow of indeterminate origin" or "he accidentally gored his plant foot with a spading fork while gardening the other day." Until those rumors blossom until non-libelous declarative statements, suck it up.
For real
Kevin Youkilis, Boston Red Sox: Finally, a Moneyball-er who's as dashing at the plate as on a spread sheet. Gotta like that he's become one of the AL's better-fielding cornermen in no time at all, too. Can you say "positional flexibility"? I knew you could!
Jonny Gomes, Tampa Bay Devil Rays: Time to clear up a few misperceptions here. No, his first name doesn't include an 'h'. Yes, his last name ends with an 's' rather than a 'z'. No, the phonetic pronunciation of "Gomes" isn't "GO-mez." Yes, it is "GOMES," which almost rhymes with "Stallone." No, he won't continue on his current 81-homer pace. Yes, he'll likely end the year with around 35 dingers and an on-base percentage around .400. No, you shouldn't trade him away. Yes, you should try to trade for him. Capisce? (No, I don't speak Italian. Yes, I did pick that up in a Prego commercial.)
Sell high
Craig Biggio, Houston Astros: Just as prom corsages wilt after a night passed on the unforgiving turf outside the Point Pleasant Motor Lodge, so too does Biggio's bat wither when away from the snug confines of Minute Maid Park. I humbly call your attention to Craigger's 1.055/.343 home/road OPS splits. What, say you? The 'Stros have only played five games on the road this season, rendering those figures statistically insignificant? Somewhat less humbly, I point you to his .890/.692 home/road OPS splits during 2005. Totally arrogantly, I add that you are puny and powerless in the face of my staggering numerical prowess. Powerless.
Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds: The Indians simply don't make player-evaluation mistakes ... well, except for trading Brian Giles and Richie Sexson and Sean Casey and Jeff Kent and Jeromy Burnitz before their primes. So it would stand to reason that Phillips has some kind of mechanical or attitudinal flaw which will prevent him from duplicating his recent run-generating heroics. I think. Let's just assume that current GM Mark Shapiro is considerably savvier that the nudnik who dealt the aforementioned fellows, and that he wouldn't have prematurely thrown Phillips onto the scrap heap without a solid empirical basis to do so.
Buy low
Jake Peavy, San Diego Padres: In the infinitesimal chance there's somebody in your league slug-witted enough to even consider trading Peavy ... well, now's not the time to dangle a pair of fast-start guys (Erik Bedard and Brad Hawpe?) for him. Instead, be a good friend and get that owner the help he truly needs. Pour him a nice cool bowl of gazpacho and remove all sharp objects from his boudoir. Gently explain the stakes, that Peavy projects to rip off seven straight wins at any moment. Then, once the lithium kicks in, fleece his sorry ass purple.
Jose Reyes, New York Metsies: Even at his worst -- like last week, when he averaged .0003 pitches per plate appearance and swatted at tsetse flies and anything vaguely resembling a baseball -- he still provides a mirthful abundance of steals and scores almost every time he reaches base. Sublime roto guy, but mediocre enough aplate in the real world that he'll cost the Beltran/Delgado/Wright/Floyd quartet a whole bunch o' RBI opportunities.